Everything Has Changed
by slthompson
Summary: A one shot of Alistair as he comes to realize that it is finally time to say good bye to the women he loves.


**Just a one shot of Alibear saying goodbye to the love of his life. Hope you enjoy, reviews are always wonderful, as are all of you. 0:)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the Dragon Age universe. From it's wonderful places right down to it's adorable characters, that's all you Bioware.**

* * *

It really was a beautiful day. The sun was up, the air was cool and the leaves on the trees were whistling in the breeze. Alistair walked slowly down the worn path towards the center of Redcliffe, towards the Chantry, with Argus trotting beside him. Even though there was decent weather today to Alistair it felt darker then the coldest day of winter. This was her favorite time of year. She loved the changing colors of the leaves, the pumpkin harvest, and she used it as an excuse to spend any extra food funds on warm spiced teas and ciders. Sarah would have loved to be here today. He wished so badly that she was. Today was going to be a hard day, he didn't want to do what he was about to do, but it had to be done. This would be the last chance he would have and he owed it to her to at least be here today.

He actually felt really tired today, tired and nauseated. He'd been fighting off this sickness since late last night, but it had never seemed to go away. Wynne insisted it was all in his head, but he knew better. What he had was incurable. There was but one thing that could cure him, and that was an impossible dream. He was alone now. It's true, Argus had stayed with him ever since Denerim. He hadn't left his side, even when Fergus had tried to get the hound to return to Highever. But the mutt hadn't budged. Argus was not Sarah, he was a part of her, it wasn't even close to being the same thing, but he was probably as close as Alistair would ever be able to get. He hadn't understood why the hound had stayed with him. Everyone knew that a Mabari who had chosen a master had chosen for life, but Argus had outlived his mistress, so Alistair assumed he'd want to go back to Highever, to the place that had been his home his entire life. Yet, Argus chose to stay with him. If he hadn't been no numb to everything around him he would have been shocked. Him and the hound were not always the best of friends. It didn't matter though, everything had changed.

* * *

_"Oh come on Alistair, it's a little nippy outside tonight! Besides he just wants to be close to us." Sarah had her arms around the giant hound that was attempting to fit onto her lap. Argus was massive compared to his mistress but didn't seem to notice. Alistair closed his eyes and shook his head. _

_"Nope. No way. You will not swindle me this time you evil, evil woman. Every time he stays in here with us he ends up hogging the entire tent and I end up with my legs hanging out the flaps! Last time I caught cold! There is a nice, warm, vacant tent right next to this one, why can't he stay in there?"_

_Sarah's mouth dropped open slightly and she gave Alistair a look of disbelief. "Alistair, are you calling my puppy fat?" Alistair couldn't help the chuckle that floated from his lips. "You're not serious? Puppies are cute and adorable and tiny. That is a massive, man killing machine!" The hound barked several times in response. "Look at that, he just threatened to eat me, I'm sure of it!" Alistair pointed at the hound who was still piled on top of Sarah.  
_

_"Alistair, you called him fat, you can hardly blame him for being defensive." He honestly could not believe what he was hearing. Or rather he could because this was just the sort of thing that the manipulative mongrel always heard from his owner. That he could do no wrong. Alistair swore Argus was more rotten then a two week old trout. He sighed and took his usual spot at the very corner of the bedroll. "Fine, fine. You win this time. I'm telling you now though, one of these days we are going to be able to sleep in a real bed, and that beast is staying on the floor!" _

_Sarah giggled and Argus let a final warning bark out for Alistair before lying down on the opposite side of Sarah. It was only a moment before he felt slim nimble fingers trailing their way around his waist. He felt her warm breath as she snuggled into his back and her familiar scent washed over him like it did every night before they went to sleep. "Hey Alistair." Her voice was soft and sweet and the sound of it always made him melt._

_"Yes, love?"_

_"Thanks for being so wonderful all the time." He snorted in response. "Yes well, it's a hard job but someones got to do it."  
_

_"I'm glad it's you." she replied. "It's always you."_

* * *

He didn't realize it until after she was already gone, but in reality it had always been her. She was wonderful, beautiful, kind, and caring. It took him a few months to realize it but from the moment he had laid eyes on her his entire world had revolved around her. Determined to help things go smoothly in the wilds, verifying that she had made it through the joining, making sure she made it out of the tower alive, seeing to her safety not only at camp but also on the road, being the wall that stood between her and the biggest foe on every battlefield. No matter where they were or whatever it was they were doing, making sure she was safe and happy was always his first priority. It wasn't hard to care about her. It had happened so fast and so easily it took the rest of the group pointing it out for him to even realize what the relationship they shared had become.

When he finally made it into the Chantry Wynne was there at the main door waiting for him. She nodded in greeting but Alistair just stared straight down the main isle. She grabbed his arm gently and led him to the pew that the rest of the group was apparently already seated in. It was the first row, just as he'd feared. It wasn't long before the revered mother began the sermon. She talked about Sarah's life, her accomplishments, and her greatest act of heroism. Alistair was a little surprised when even one of the Wardens who had finally made it into Ferelden said a few words about Sarah. Honestly though it enraged him more then anything. To hear others talk about her as if they knew anything about her...they knew nothing, especially the Wardens. They had no problem letting the two of them take on a Blight by themselves, they didn't know all the hardships she faced before her joining, or any of the things that came after it. All they knew was that she died, and they were all too quick to offer up a speech about how she 'carried out the duty of the Grey'.

Even the revered mother, knew nothing about his Sarah. She didn't know that she hated fish, she didn't know that she liked to sleep with her socks on, she didn't know that she was secretly obsessed with Dwarven history, she certainly didn't know that the woman acted like a shy child every time she got drunk, and she definitely couldn't know how much she loved to sing. She was horrible at it honestly, but at the same time it was always one of the things he most loved about spending time with her. Sarah was selfless in everything she did, always thinking of what would be the best thing for everyone. Except when it came to him that is. She had asked him if he was ready to be king. He insisted she hand it over to Anora, which was the last thing Sarah had wanted to do.

But he had asked her to do just that. They were Wardens, the duty they carried was not to rule kingdoms and cities, it was to defeat the Darkspawn and do whatever else Wardens were needed to do. She had listened to him, been one of the few people who ever had. Anora was Queen, Alistair would never have to worry about his blood labeling him as anything other then a Grey Warden. She'd given him that and so much more. They were supposed to travel together, to continue to be a team now. They shouldn't be here, things shouldn't be like this.

But they were, and all he could think about was how wrong it all was.

* * *

_"Alistair, you know this is the best option. What other choice do we have?" She had that determined look in her eye. He knew that it was pointless to argue the point. He'd end up doing what she wanted, like he always did, but he had to at least let her know he wasn't comfortable with it. He had to at least try. "Sarah, this is insane. We can do way more damage together then we would do apart. What if something happens to you? What if something happens to me? What do you expect me to do if the situation gets harry, quit the field and fight another day? You know that's not going to happen. This is going to end today, one way or another..."_

_Sarah reached up and gently put her hand on his cheek and smiled sweetly at him. "I know that. I will be fine Alistair, we both will be. You heard Riordan. I just don't think it's wise for us to place all our faith in him. What if something happens to him, then it will all be up to us and neither one of us can understand darkspawn, not yet anyways. I just don't think it's wise for us both to be in the same place just in case his plan doesn't work. What if that dragon is smarter then we think, what if he doesn't go to the tower? Then one of us needs to be down here, ready to fight."_

_It sounded so sensible when she put it like that. Of course it made more sense strategically. However the feeling in his gut told him this was the absolute worst thing they could do. He sighed and stepped closer to her. He put his hand over the one she had placed so sweetly on his cheek. "I haven't let you out of my sight in almost a year Sarah...and I don't like the idea of doing so right now, especially in this. This is the most important foe we'll face. If something does happen, if Riordan doesn't manage to kill the Archdemon then that would mean we wouldn't be together if, if-"_

_"Hey, don't talk like that. You heard him Alistair, he's got this whole thing figured out. I just think it would be better in case the worst does happen. We will both be just fine." She pulled her hand down and put her arms around his waist. They spent a few moments like that, her snuggling into his chest, his arms wrapped around her and his nose buried in her hair before she finally picked her head up and looked up at him with those clear blue eyes._

_"Is staying here an order? Do I really have to do this?" He gave her one of his lopsided smiles and got the laughter he knew was coming when she nodded her head. He rolled his eyes before he pulled her into a kiss. It wasn't long, it wasn't intense. It was sweet, soft, and filled with so many things they should say, but couldn't. Not when there was so much to do, not when there was so much at stake.  
_

* * *

They were all outside by the lake now, the whole group. He heard them whispering to one another and could see them keeping their distance from him. He didn't care. Her boat had been prepared and the final sermon was to begin in just a few moments. Some of the farmers and peasants, the nobles and a flock of children were already starting to arrive. They stayed back a ways thanks to the guards. Fergus had requested that he, Alistair and the others who'd fought at her side over the past year have a few private moments with Sarah if they so wished. Fergus went first and when he was finally done he walked over to Alistair and put his hand on his shoulder. Tears were running down his red face as he meekly nodded that it was his time now.

Alistair had been fighting the tears for too long now, Before he even stood up he felt them falling down his cheeks. Argus of course was right at his side and his head was hung low. Within a few steps they were standing above her, the love of his life and the master to the hound. Her brown hair was done in curls, and it seemed that the people who had prepared her had done the best they could at hiding some of the wounds she had received in that last, final battle. Wynne had said she'd probably just look like she was sleeping. She didn't though. Sarah was a wild sleeper, she would hog most of the bedroll or tangle herself up in him while she stole all the blankets. She snored most nights and her mouth usually hung slightly open. No, his Sarah was not sleeping, she was gone, and this body lying before him was the painful reminder of that.

Tears still falling freely down his face Alistair did his best to choke back a sob as he knelt down next to her. He was shaking and the feeling of bile in the back of his throat was almost impossible to ignore. Despite it all he willed himself to reach in and touch her hand. It was freezing cold and stiff. This reality brought on a wave of grunts and sobs that he just couldn't control. Argus wined beside him. It took him a few moments before he could manage to speak, and even then he wasn't sure that it was loud enough for her to hear even if she was listening. But this was just something he had to do. He wasn't sure anymore if it was more so for him, or for her.

He took a deep, unsteady breath. "You know, I never would have thought in a million years that I'd find someone like you. I never dared to dream I would meet someone who makes me feel the things you do..." It took him another long moment before he could continue. "I know I've told you many times that I love you in all the time we've spent together, though I feel like I didn't say it nearly enough. There were so many more things I thought we'd get to do, I thought...well it doesn't matter what I thought. Not anymore. I don't know why you decided to do what you did. I don't know why I let you. I just hope you know that I would have done the same for you. If I had known what you'd had planned... well, things would have been different, things would have been better. You should be the one who is still here... I don't know if you're listening, I don't know if you'll understand if you are, but you will always be the love of my life, and I'm going to spend the rest of my days trying to do the things that I know you'd want me to do." He sat there for a moment just staring down at her. She would always be the most beautiful women in the world to him, no matter how long he lived, no matter how bad his memory got, whether he would always remember all the little things or not, he would always remember her as she was, beautiful, perfect, and his biggest blessing.


End file.
